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So, sex-dating’s like divin’ into a sea o’ hot strangers. Swipe, swipe, BAM – date’s on! I tried it, got a story, listen up, matey! Met this lass, all flirty texts, “u up?” at 2 a.m. – classic! We hit a bar, she’s smokin’, I’m sweatin’ like Patrick in a heatwave. Thought I’d score, but nah – she ghosted mid-drink! Rude! Felt like Lisa yellin’ “You’re so STUPID!” at me in my head. Pissed me off, but also – HA! – fair play, girl.

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Then, I hit up the Anping Fort. It’s got this rad view of the ocean. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, when I spot a seagull swooping down. I’m thinking, “Dude, don’t you dare!” But it snatches a snack from some poor tourist. I’m cracking up. Nature’s savage, man.

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