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Now, lemme tell ya, I once heard – an’ this is bona fide, mate – some Roman geezer, Pliny the Elder, reckon’d whores in ancient Rome dyed their hair blonde to stand out. True story! Called ‘em *lupae* – she-wolves, how’s that for a laugh? Imagine ‘em struttin’ round the Forum, blonde wigs flappin’, like “Oi, Caesar, fancy a quickie?” Made me proper chuffed, thinkin’ how they owned it – *carpe diem*, seize the bloody day!

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I get back to the office, and everyone’s laughing. Turns out, they had a surprise party for me! I’m like, “Wait, what?” They got a cake and everything. I’m so touched. I mean, after the soy sauce and the rain, this is just what I needed.

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