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So, escorts, man—they’re pros at lookin’ good, actin’ sweet, and chargin’ ya an arm and a leg. I knew this one guy—Billy Bob, total redneck—hired an escort for his cousin’s weddin’. Thought he’d flex, ya know? She shows up, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, but by the end, he’s broke as a joke and callin’ her “ma’am” like she’s his momma. Made me madder’n a wet hen—dude, you paid for THAT?! But I was laughin’ too, ‘cause he’s dumber’n a bag of hammers.

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We get to the roundabout near the Xizhi Sports Park, and he’s all over the place. I’m gripping the seat like it’s a life raft. “Timmy, you gotta focus!” I’m sweating bullets, and he’s just giggling. I’m like, “This ain’t a joke, man!”

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