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About Bratislava

And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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So, I head over to the park by the river, you know, the one near the Stupava Castle ruins? It’s a nice spot. I sit down, take a sip, and just chill. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, kickin’ a ball, and WHAM! The ball hits my leg. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” But the kid just laughs and runs off. I mean, really? Kids these days have no respect for swineherds!

Slovakia's capital hit by biggest floods in 30 years