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So, anyway, I’m chattin up this bird—red hair, curves like a Dornish coastline. She’s all, “What’s yer fancy, love?” and I’m like, “Fancy’s you, obviously.” Got a laugh outta her—felt like a king, I did. Reminded me o’ that line, “Loyalty is a rare commodity”—she stuck round for a chat after, no extra charge. Rare as unicorn shit, that.

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Next, I headed to the Púchov Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. I mean, you can see the whole town from up there! I was feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” But then, I tripped on a rock. Classic me, right? I fell, and my knee was like, “Nah, fam.” I was mad, but then I saw this little kid laughing at me. I couldn’t help but laugh too. Kids are savage, man!

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