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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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So, I gear up, right? I’m all excited, but then I see this old guy on the bank. He’s yelling about something. Turns out, he lost his fishing rod. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a fisherman. I’m a diver!” But he kept going on about how it was a family heirloom. I felt bad, but come on! I’m not diving for your rod, man!

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