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Oi, you donkey! Escort, yeah? Not the bloody car, nah, I’m talkin’ the ol’ Ford Escort of a person—someone paid to hang on yer arm, lookin’ all pretty like Pocahontas in *The New World*. “The land is life!”—bollocks, it’s cash for company, innit? Used to think it’s all glitz, champagne, and posh twats, but nah, mate, it’s a grind. A proper grind! Some lass or lad struttin’ about, dodgin’ creeps, makin’ rent. Idiot sandwich! You reckon it’s easy? Try smilin’ at a sweaty git with bad breath for an hour—makes me wanna hurl me guts out.

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After that disaster, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I headed to the local winery. Modra’s famous for its wine, right? I thought, “Why not?” I tried some white wine, and wow, it was like drinking sunshine. I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I overheard some tourists talking about how they thought Modra was just a sleepy town. I was like, “Excuse me? Have you seen the views from the hills?” I wanted to give them a tour, but I was too tipsy.

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