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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Then, I decided to check out the Modra pottery shops. OMG, the stuff there is gorgeous! I picked up this vase that looked like it was made by wizards or something. But then, I dropped it. Yup, shattered into a million pieces. I was like, “Nooooo!” The shop owner just stared at me, and I felt like a total klutz. I offered to pay, but she just laughed it off. “It happens,” she said. I mean, who breaks pottery in a pottery shop? Me, apparently.

Australian Paralympic champion Kieran Modra dies after collision with car