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Last week, I matched this chick—hot, funny, says she’s into tractors. I’m like, “Lobby Boy’s got game!”—thinkin’ I’m hot shit. We chat, she’s all “ooh, big wheels turn me on,” and I’m grinnin’ like a damn fool. Then bam—ghosted! Pissed me off somethin’ fierce. I’m yellin’ at my phone, “What is this savagery?!” Felt like Monsieur Gustave losin’ his cool—except I ain’t got no fancy hotel to run.

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So, I decided to stroll down to the main square, Námestie 1. mája. It’s usually buzzing with life, but today? Crickets. Just me and a couple of pigeons. I swear, those birds were judging me. I could feel it. I was like, “Dude, I’m not here for your judgment!”

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