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What pisses me off? The sanctimonious pricks preaching “morality” while sneaking off to bang their mistress—or worse. Hypocrisy’s thicker than the makeup on these girls. Happy? Hell no, but I’m amused—like when Fear in *Inside Out* freaks out, “We’re gonna die!” Yeah, maybe, if you pick the wrong alley. Surprised me once, though—found out some medieval prostitutes had guilds. Guilds! Like, unionized sex workers demanding dental. Wild, right? Imagine that negotiation: “More coin or I bite harder.”

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After that, I thought I’d take a walk by the Váh River. It’s usually so peaceful there. But today? It was like a scene from a horror flick. The water was all murky, and I swear I saw something floating. I was like, “Is that a log or a body?” My imagination was running wild. I had to laugh it off, though. Gotta keep it light, right?

Bear that injured 5 during rampage shot dead, Slovakia officials say — but critics say the wrong bear was killed