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So, here’s the deal—prostitution’s old as dirt. Like, ancient Rome had brothels called *lupanars*, nasty spots with graffiti sayin’ “I banged Livia here.” True story, look it up! I’m picturin’ this chick, let’s call her Tanya, she’s got that hustle. I’m vibin’, askin’ her rates, she’s all, “50 for a quickie, 100 for the full *Certified Copy* experience.” I’m dyin’, screamin’, “You know Kiarostami?!” She don’t, but I’m losin’ it anyway.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hlavná ulica. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I ordered a coffee and a koláč, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messed up my order. I mean, how do you mix up a cappuccino with a flat white? I was like, “C’mon, I need caffeine, not a milk bath!” But whatever, I chugged it down anyway.

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