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I’m happy when it’s done right, tho. Like, not creepy, but connective, ya know? It’s supposed to relax you, turn you on, make you feel alive. But ugh, some places are sketchy as hell. I read about a spa in Nevada that got busted for, like, illegal stuff, and I was like, “Shocker!” People ruin everything. Still, when it’s legit, it’s amazing. They use oils, feathers, even hot stones sometimes. Hot stones! I was surprised how good that feels, not gonna lie.

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Finally, we got the all-clear. Back to the grind. But then, I got a call from my sister. She was in a panic. Her kid, little Martin, had locked himself in the bathroom. I was like, “What? How does that even happen?” I told her to just give him a snack and he’d be fine. Kids, man.

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