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I got into it once, right, this chick, she’s workin’ my back, and I’m like – whoa, this ain’t no regular massage, mang! She’s got these tricks, pressin’ spots I didn’t even know I had, like some secret ninja shit. Little known fact, amigo – them ancient Chinese cats? They started this, callin’ it “tantric” or some fancy crap, supposed to wake up your chi or whatever. Fuckin’ wild, right? Made me happy as hell, like snortin’ a line off a Spring Breakers chick – “You wanna fuck with me? Okay!”

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Finally, I get to the site, and it’s a disaster. The client wanted a simple deck, but they changed their mind. Classic, right? Now they want a gazebo, a fire pit, and a hot tub. Like, dude, I’m a carpenter, not a magician! I’m thinkin’, “What am I, a one-man construction crew?”

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