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Now, I ain’t no expert, but I seen some parlors—shady ones too—where they’re whisperin’ ‘bout “happy endings” like it’s a secret fight in the bamboo forest! “I’ve kept it hidden too long!”—that’s what I’d say if I got caught sneakin’ a peek! Git-R-Done! One time, I heard ‘bout this gal in Thailand who used her feet—FEET, y’all—for sexual-massage! Surprised me so bad I near fell outta my chair laughin’! Who needs hands when ya got toes that talented?

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After that, I headed to the river. The Váh River, to be exact. It’s beautiful, man. But today? It was like a scene from a horror movie. The water was murky, and I was like, “What the heck is in there?” I mean, I’ve seen some weird stuff while diving, but this was next level.

Kysuce is facing a loss of its skiing