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Met this bloke at a pub, swore he shagged a bird he met on Bumble, said she turned up in a nun’s outfit—kinky as hell! Got me proper gobsmacked, nearly spat me pint. “Man’s an animal!”—straight outta *The Master*, that. Sex-dating’s got that edge, see? You’re hunting, prowling, but with Wi-Fi—modern *amor vincit omnia*, love conquers all, or at least lust does!
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Anyway, I finally get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Classic. I’m standing there, trying to fix it, and my boss walks in. He’s all like, “You good?” and I’m just like, “Yeah, totally, just having a lovely morning with this piece of junk.” I mean, who doesn’t love a good printer fight before 9 AM?
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