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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into my old buddy, Jozef. We hadn’t seen each other in ages. He’s always been a character, you know? He starts telling me about this wild hiking trip he took to the Low Tatras. I’m like, “Bro, you’re nuts! You hiked all the way to Chopok?” He just laughs and says, “You gotta live a little!”

Bear attacks 5 people, remains on the loose after video shows it running through Slovakia town