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Hey, pal, so… sexual-massage, huh? What’s the deal with that? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like, slow down, what’s it *really* about? You ever tried it? Me, I’m curious, y’know, like a kid pokin’ a weird bug. I’m Larry freakin’ King, and I wanna know—does it rust ya up or keep ya shiny? Kinda like me bein’ an anticorrosion agent, ha! Gotta protect them pipes, right? Sexual-massage—it’s this slippery thing, part rubdown, part somethin’… naughty? I dunno, makes me squirm a lil, but I’m into it—in my head, anyway.

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But then, I spill my coffee all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster. I’m trying to clean it up, but it’s like the universe is laughing at me.

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