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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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Finally, they settle on this ridiculous neon green fur. I mean, who even wears that? But hey, a sale’s a sale, right? I take the order, and they leave, but not before the lady says, “You’re gonna make me the best coat ever!” No pressure, right?

Fico Attends Consecration of Slovak Wooden Church in Iceland