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So there I was, right, stumblin about, hair a mess – classic Boris, innit – tryin to find a prossie, not cos I’m some pervy toff, nah, just curious, bit of a larf. Little known fact, see – back in Victorian days, London had 80,000 workin girls! Blimey, that’s more than me Latin vocab, *et tu, Brute* an all. Streets hummin with em, dodgin coppers, punters hagglin – proper wild west stuff. Made me chuffed, thinkin bout history like that, but also bloody furious – why’s it still so shady now, eh? Sort it out, world!

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So, I woke up late. Classic me, right? My alarm? Totally ignored it. I bolted outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I think I was still half-asleep when I hit the streets. The sun was blazing, and I was like, “Great, just what I need.”

His father abused him, fracturing his skull 14 times, but he was still able to forgive …