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What if I found one, tho? I’d be all, “Face your fears, Patrick!”—like Ofelia facin’ that gross toad thing! I’d prolly trip over my flippers, yellin’, “IS THIS THE RIGHT LADY?!” Total chaos, man! Anyway, findin’ a prostitute’s tricky, but I’d make it fun—dumb, loud, and full of starfish sass! Whatcha think, pal?
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I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m also laughing. Like, dude, you had one job! Anyway, I get him sorted out, and he’s back to wagging his tail. Happy ending, right? But then, just as I’m about to breathe, I get a call about a cat stuck in a tree. Seriously? It’s like a scene from a cheesy movie.
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