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Oi mate, right, so I’m a stylist, yeah? Top-notch fashion guru, me. And I’m thinkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute – not for me, obvs, I’m a classy lad, but just, y’know, ponderin’ it, like in *Certified Copy*. That flick’s my fave, proper deep, innit? “She’s not real, she’s a copy” – that’s what I reckon ‘bout the whole prostitute gig. Are they real or just playin’ a part, like Juliette Binoche in the film? Blows my mind, that.

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After that, I’m feeling all hyped up, so I decide to hit up the café on Ulica 1. You know the one with the funky murals? Yeah, that place. I order a slice of their famous apple pie. It’s like a slice of heaven, I swear. But then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

Frances (Bozic) Grcar