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Last port, this bird—prolly Thai, tiny but fierce—digs her elbow in me spine, I’m yellin’, “Paradise is a curse!” straight outta “Tabu,” coz it hurt so good! Made me mad at first, like, “Oi, ease up!” but then—boom—muscles melt, I’m floatin’ happier than a drunk captain. Surprised me how them little hands could wreck me then fix me. Pro tip: them scented oils? Not just fancy stink—lavender legit calms yer noggin, science says so!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. You know, the one near the old bridge? It’s usually so peaceful. But today? Nope. There was a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they were LOUD. Like, I get it, you’re having fun, but chill out! I’m trying to enjoy nature here!

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