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But den, surprise hits – some places, dey overcharge! 100 bucks for 30 minutes? Robbery, I say! I could steal da moon cheaper! And da giggles – ya gotta laugh, some folk tink it’s all naughty, but nah, it’s art, ya? Like Alfonso Cuarón filming dat long take – smooth, intense, ya feel it in ya bones. I’m lying dere, oil everywhere, tinking, “Dis is my miracle baby moment, ya?”

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So, I grab my drink and head to the park. It’s called Park Sempeter, I think? Anyway, it’s got these massive trees and a pond. I sit down, take a sip, and BAM! A bird poops on my shoulder. Like, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee! I look up, and this pigeon is just staring at me like it owns the place. I swear, I almost threw my drink at it.

Ana Roš