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I’m sittin’ there, nursin’ a bourbon, thinkin’, “This is a goddamn meat market.” Fun fact—Nevada’s got like 20 legal brothels, been around since the 1800s, miners and cowboys blowin’ their gold dust on a five-minute thrill. Ain’t that somethin’? History’s just horny ghosts hauntin’ these places. One chick, calls herself Sapphire, tells me she’s got a kid in college. Made me mad—here she is, shakin’ her ass for tuition, while I’m out there riskin’ my neck for trees. “The haggard whores of time,” Jep’d call ‘em. Poetic, but still a shitshow.

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But then, just as I’m about to ask for her number, my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Where are you? You forgot to pick up the groceries!” Ugh, mom! I’m trying to flirt here!