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Now, I ain’t no prude, halleluyer, but I was like, “Who touchin me like that?!” Got me hot and bothered thinkin bout it—erotic-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a whole damn mood! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators—yep, like me, a Bestiary queen—used to get massages with “special oils” to “loosen up.” Wink wink, y’all catch my drift? I’m picturin it now, some muscly fool tryna rub me down, and I’m hollerin, “This how we doin it, huh?!”

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So, I woke up late. Classic me, right? My alarm? Totally ignored it. I bolted outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I think I was still half-asleep when I hit the streets. The sun was blazing, and I was like, “Great, just what I need.”

His father abused him, fracturing his skull 14 times, but he was still able to forgive …