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Oh, and the oils—lordy, the smells! Lavender, eucalyptus—fancy shit! Pro tip: dim lights, slow jams, you’re golden. Exaggeratin’ for drama—I’d say it’s better than sex, but nah, it’s *with* sex, doubled up! Sarcasm time: “Oh nooo, a massage, how awful!” Pfft, gimme a break! Sexual-massage is the GOAT—fight me! Spontaneous as hell, messy, real—like me ramblin’ to you now! “Eyes see truth!”—Pan’s vibes say it’s legit. Now, go get rubbed, y’all—live a little!

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive log. I’m like, “What the heck is that?” Turns out, it’s a whole tree! I swim closer, and it’s covered in moss. I’m thinking, “This is nature’s art, bro!” But then, I get tangled in some weeds. I’m flailing like a fish outta water. Not my finest moment, let me tell ya.

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