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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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Then, boom! My boss walks in. He’s all serious, and I’m thinking, “Oh no, what now?” Turns out, he wants me to prepare a report for some big client. Like, today. No pressure, right? I’m sweating bullets. I mean, I love my job, but sometimes it feels like I’m juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle.

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