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Ooh, and the drama! One time, I heard this escort got hired by some tech bro—thought he was all “Silencio” mysterious from the movie, ya know? Turns out, he just wanted her to listen to him cry about his startup failin’. LMAO, like, literally, payin’ for therapy with extra steps! I was dyin’ laughin’. But also—kinda sad, right?

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down the streets. Skocjan is so picturesque, man. The old buildings, the cobblestone streets—feels like I’m in a video game! I hit up Ulica Škocjan, and it’s like stepping back in time. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy, when I trip over a loose stone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old lady walks by. She just looks at me and says, “You okay, young man?” I’m like, “Yeah, just testing the pavement!” She chuckles, and I’m like, “At least I made someone laugh today.”

Fig. 10 Flange-hilted sword made of iron, an off ering found in the...