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So, sexual-massage, right? It’s like a dance, but with oil an’ less clothes, arr! Me, I stumbled inta this shady parlor once—thought it were a rum den, swear it! Lass there says, “Relax, Cap’n, let tension flee.” An’ I’m thinkin’, *“Flee? Like me from the navy?”* Hands on me back, kneadin’ like dough—felt good, aye, but I’m squintin’, wonderin’ if she’s plottin’ to nick me compass, savvy?

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This time, it was an older guy, Mr. Novak, who slipped on the wet tiles. I rushed over, heart racing again. He was like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But dude, you’re not fine! You just fell like a sack of potatoes! I helped him up, and he was all grumpy. “I’m not that old!” he grumbled. I just laughed. “Sure, buddy, but you gotta watch your step!”

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