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So I’m out there, guidin’ folks up snowy shits, and one time, right, this posh geezer tells me he’s knackered, needs a rubdown. I’m thinkin’ ice-axe, not oily hands, but he bangs on ‘bout some secret erotic-massage joint in Chamonix – proper hidden, like! Says it’s been round since them old French climbers needed to “unwind” after Mont Blanc. Ain’t in no guidebook, fam, only whispers – little known shit, dat! Made me well happy, hearin’ summat fresh, not same old frostbite bollocks.

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Anyway, I finally get the new glass in. It’s lookin’ sharp, like a fresh haircut. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, bam! A freakin’ storm rolls in. I’m talkin’ thunder, lightning, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I’m tryin’ to secure the window, and the wind’s like, “Nah, bro, not today.”

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