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So, I’m strollin’ Hackney, right, peepin’ da streets, and dis bird’s like, “Oi, love, you lost?” I’m like, “Nah, fam, I’m huntin’!” She laughs, proper cackle, and I’m finkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ’Cos dese posh twats in Mayfair ain’t clockin’ me, but here? I’m da don, innit. Fun fact, yeah—back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes, like flowers in their hair, red for “I’m game,” white for “nah, mate.” Mad, right? History’s wild!

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After lunch, I decide to take a stroll by the lake. It’s beautiful there, man. The water’s sparkling, and the ducks are quacking like they own the place. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this guy sits next to me and starts talking about his conspiracy theories. I’m like, “Bro, I just wanna enjoy the view.” But he’s going on about aliens and government cover-ups. I’m just nodding, trying to be polite, but inside I’m like, “What is happening?”

The future confirmed: Signed by Oliver Šarkić