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Okay, so sexual-massage—it’s this thing, ya see, where folks rub ya down, but it’s got this spicy twist. Not just yer back crackin’—naw, it’s sensual, steamy, like in “The Secret in Their Eyes.” Ya know, that flick I love? That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—well, sexual-massage ain’t nothin’, it’s somethin’! Hands slidin’, oils drippin’, makin’ ya feel alive, not all empty like that poor guy in the movie.

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Finally, I decide to call it a day. I’m walking back home, and I pass by the old church on Ulica Kranjčeva. It’s so peaceful there. I stop for a sec, take a deep breath, and just appreciate the moment. Life’s crazy, but moments like this? They make it all worth it.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers