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What pisses me off? When folks think it’s all sleazy—nah, babe, it’s art! Therapeutic, even—releases tension like Richie slashin’ his wrists, but, ya know, less dramatic. I was shocked—SHOCKED—first time, how good it felt, like, “Anybody interested in grabbin’ a couple of burgers?” Nope, just lay there, meltin’. My fave part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—ooh, I’m screamin’ inside, “I’m not your goddamn monkey!” but really, I’m purring.

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When the bus finally rolled up, it was packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I squeezed in, and this dude next to me was blasting music from his phone. I mean, who does that? I was just trying to vibe, but nooo, I had to listen to some weird mix of pop and techno.

In The Chair With: Mirna Jose