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This ain’t your granny’s backrub, no sir. Sexual-massage is all about “energy flow” and “release.” Pfft. Sounds like hippy nonsense to me. Some slick-handed weirdo slathers oil on ya, gets all up in your business. Supposed to relax ya, but I’d punch a wall first. Little known fact—back in the ‘70s, some dude in Cali started this crap, mixin’ tantra with happy endings. Called it “esalen” or some garbage. Now it’s everywhere, like a rash.

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But then, I get a call from my boss. “Where are you?” he snaps. I’m like, “Dude, I’m getting coffee!” He’s not having it. I rush back, pastry in hand, and guess what? I trip on the sidewalk on Ulica Šolska. Seriously? I’m covered in coffee and crumbs. I’m so mad!

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