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Oh, and the profiles – some are bonkers! “Lookin’ for a daddy” – whoa, slow down, sugar! I’m just tryna get my groove on, not adopt ya. Others post pics with ten filters – what’s the real you, babe? Funny as hell tho, keeps me laughin’. Sex-dating’s a trip, man – half the time I’m turned on, half the time I’m crackin’ up.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Mark. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a surprise festival happening at the park by the river. I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” But I can’t resist. I tell Mr. Novak, “Let’s take a break. We’ll come back to this.”