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Here’s the kicker: in old Japan, geishas did this secret style—called “nuru,” all slippery and wild. Bet Larry’d lose his mind watchin’ that, mutterin’, “I don’t deserve this!” Oh, but ya do, mate! Makes me wanna storm a tower and shout, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS up this bliss!” So, next time yer feelin’ like life’s a Coen brothers mess, get a sexual-massage—let it unravel ya, one oily knot at a time. What say you, eh?

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Finally, I get to the studio. It’s a small place, but it’s got character. The walls are plastered with posters of old bands. I love it. But today, my session was a mess. The artist I was working with, let’s call him “Mr. Drama,” couldn’t decide on a single note. I’m sittin’ there, listening to him go back and forth like he’s in a tennis match. “No, I don’t like that!” “Try it again!” I’m like, “Dude, we’re not here to play ‘Guess That Tune.’”

Fig. 1. The forest area (grey) in Slovenia and distribution of the...