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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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I decide to hit up that little bar on Ulica Kralja Tomislava. You know the one with the neon lights? I need a drink after that chaos. I order a beer, and the bartender, bless her soul, gives me a free shot. I’m like, “Is this a reward for surviving the day?” She just winks.

Fig. 1. The forest area (grey) in Slovenia and distribution of the...