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Oh, and the music—godawful. Whales moanin’ or some flute crap. “Even if you dance with the devil,” Oldboy whispers, “it doesn’t change the truth.” Truth is, I’d rather chop wood than let some hippy rub me down again. Still, if yer into it, go nuts—just don’t tell me bout it. Hate hearin’ bout folks enjoyin’ shit I can’t stand. Makes my eye twitch. Now, pass me a steak—medium rare—or get outta my face.

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As I’m chillin’ there, I overhear this couple arguing about the best place to eat in Leskova-Dolina. One’s all about that local pizzeria, and the other’s like, “Nah, the kebab place is where it’s at!” I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Guys, it’s all good! Just eat!”

Fig. 1. The forest area (grey) in Slovenia and distribution of the...