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Gollum likes it rough—hiss—rubbing knots out, ouch! Once got a masseuse, hands like vices—thought she’d snap me spine! Laughed, tho—called her “Sarge,” like flick! “Hang on, we’re going home,” I mumbled—felt like a mission done. Exaggerate? Sure, felt like she massaged me soul out—poof! Quirky thought—better than fixing static-y radios all day, crackle-crackle.

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But then, the real kicker hits. I get a call from a tourist. “Where’s the best place to ski?” he asks. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Kranjska Gora! Just look up!” But I give him the lowdown on Vitranc and how it’s got slopes for days. I mean, I could talk about skiing all day. It’s like the lifeblood of this place.

Norwegian skier Kristoffersen leads Swiss star Odermatt in World Cup GS after opening run