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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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I plop down on a bench, laptop out, and start typing like a madman. But guess what? My battery’s dying! I’m like, “Noooo!” I frantically search for an outlet. I find one, but it’s in the middle of a group of old ladies playing cards. They give me the stink eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ladies, I just need to save my job!”