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Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild. Like, you got hands rubbin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s promise. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “This ain’t just a backrub, fam.” It’s all sensual, slow, like in *Amour* when Georges whispers, “You’re so beautiful still.” But, real talk, it’s awkward too. Some dude’s kneadin’ my thighs, I’m like, “Bruh, we cool?”

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So, I’m limping along, cursing the cobblestone gods, when I spot this cute café on Trg svobode. I’m like, “Coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. Like, really? Is this how my day’s gonna go?

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