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But – here’s the kicker – some dodgy sods ruin it. Sleazy parlours, all neon and grim. Gets me proper cross! Erotic-massage ain’t about that, it’s sensual, classy, *vita brevis*, life’s short – enjoy it! Not some quick fumble. Did ya know, in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”? Slippery as an eel, using gel – sounds bonkers! Tried watching vids once, nearly spat me tea out. “What in Jupiter’s name?!” I roared.

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After the meeting, I’m like, “I gotta see this cat.” So, I grab Jure, and we head to Ulica 2. Junija. We get there, and there’s a crowd. People are filming! I’m like, “What is this, a cat reality show?”