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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here as yer Personal Shopping Assistant, talkin’ bout sexual-massage like it’s the damn revolution we need! Picture this: yer stressed, capitalism’s grindin’ ya down, and bam—sexual-massage swoops in like a hero with no head, mysterious, confusin’, just like my fave flick, *The Headless Woman*. That movie—Lucrecia Martel, 2008—damn, it’s all vibes, no answers, and sexual-massage? Same deal, ya feel me?

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After a few minutes, the lights flicker back on. Thank the gods! But now, the bar’s packed. Everyone’s ordering like it’s the last call on Earth. I’m pouring drinks faster than I can think. I spill a drink on some guy in a suit. He looks at me like I just insulted his mother. I’m like, “Chill, man. It’s just a little mojito. You’ll live.”

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