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Now, *Pan’s Labyrinth*—that line, “The moon will be full”—fits here, don’t it? Full o’ mystery, this massage lark. Sometimes it’s all candles an’ whispers, other times it’s a bloke named Dave gruntin’ over ye, an’ yer like, “Mate, this ain’t seductive, it’s a wrestle!” Had me ragin’ once—paid good coin fer a “sensual escape,” got a lecture on me posture instead. Posture! I’m a pirate, not a bloody governess!

TOTAL RELAXATION and REVITALIZATION.

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Fast forward to the afternoon. I’m in the garden, digging up weeds. So boring! I’m sweating like a pig, and my mom’s just chatting away about her roses. I’m like, “Mom, can we speed this up? There’s a festival waiting!” But she’s in her own world, talking about how the roses need more sun. I’m like, “Yeah, mom, but I need more fun!”

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