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So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Ulica Kranjčeva. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual – a double espresso. I needed that jolt. The barista, Ana, she’s cool, but she spilled half my drink. I was like, “C’mon, Ana! I need this!” But she just laughed it off. I mean, I get it, but still!

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