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There’s this story, right? Old Japan, geishas did it— not what you think, ya perv! Subtle touches, mad skills, all classy-like. Blew my mind when I heard. Not your dodgy alley rubdown, nah, this was art. Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it’s more than just sexy-time. Tho, let’s be real, it’s defo that too—ha! Ever tried it? Mate, it’s wild. Muscles chill out, brain goes “bloop,” and you’re just—done. “What is only a rehearsal becomes the show.” Kaufman knew, man, it sneaks up on ya!

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So, I jump into action. I’m sweating buckets, but I get the jump leads out. And just as I’m about to connect ‘em, this random cat strolls by. I mean, a literal cat! It just sits there, watching me like I’m some kind of circus act. I’m like, “Yo, you got any tips?” The cat just blinks. Thanks, buddy.

Jeremy Tan will contest again in Mountbatten or Marine Parade, says he's in talks with political parties