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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.
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And then, boom! I see this cute little café, Café Vargarda. I’m like, “Okay, I’ll grab a quick bite.” I order a cinnamon bun, right? But they’re out! Like, how do you run out of cinnamon buns? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, the barista, this super chill dude, offers me a chocolate croissant instead. I mean, who can say no to that?
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