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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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Then, I’m walkin’ down to the river, you know, the one that runs through the city? It’s called the Timraån or somethin’. I love chillin’ by the water. But today? Today, it’s packed with tourists. Ugh. They’re takin’ selfies, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find my zen. I’m like, “Hey, can y’all not block the view?” But they don’t hear me. Typical.

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