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I dig deeper, coz that’s what I do—channelin’ my inner wizard, staff thumpin’. Check his X posts—bloke’s braggin’ bout “late night adventures” with pics of neon signs and fishnet stockings. Classic. Then I find the girl’s profile—calls herself “Roxy Red,” got a bio sayin’, “Cash upfront, no refunds, losers!” I’m dyin’, mate—this is gold! Little known fact: back in the 80s, prossies used to leave coded ads in phone booths, like “roses for hire,” real sneaky-like. Now it’s all online, bold as a Balrog.

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Then, I see this old guy sitting on a bench. He’s feeding the seagulls, and I’m thinking, “That’s kinda sweet.” But then, the seagulls start dive-bombing him! I’m cracking up. He’s flailing his arms, and I’m just standing there, laughing my head off. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a movie.

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