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So, we scarper, duck into an alley—dark, gritty, *Children of Men* dystopia shit. She’s giggles, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ “This bird’s a riot!” She’s tellin’ me how prossies dodge the coppers—tip: wear a wig, switch it up! Genius, yeah? I’m happy now, buzzin’—Ruby’s a gem, a real dolly bird. “You’re my miracle, Kee!” I blurt, all dramatic-like, channelin’ that movie soul.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

I finally get to the café, and it’s packed. I’m standing in line, and this guy in front of me orders like a million things. I’m just trying to get my usual latte. I’m losing my patience, thinking, “C’mon, dude, it’s just coffee!” But whatever, I’m trying to keep it cool.